Drea Kelly, ex-wife of R. Kelly, speaks to OHIO community about journey to healing

Drea Kelly speaks to a crowd in Baker University Center Ballroom. Photo by Eli Burris

Every year, 91̽�� provides special programming throughout the month of October to recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This year, OHIO’s Women’s Center and its partnering organizations — including Counseling and Psychological Services, the Survivor Advocacy Program and Health Promotion — were hopeful that they could secure Drea Kelly, ex-wife of R&B superstar R. Kelly, to speak on her journey to healing — but they weren’t positive they could make it happen.

The fact that it did is a “testament to the incredible support” the Women’s Center and other organizations across campus receive, according to Dr. M. Geneva Murray, director of the Women’s Center.

Kelly, a self-described “brown girl from the southside of Chicago,” spoke to the OHIO community on Oct. 24 during an OHIO 365 Conversation titled, “Creating Public Awareness to End Domestic Violence.” The event, which was free and open to the public, saw a crowded Baker University Center Ballroom as dozens of students gathered to hear Kelly discuss her journey to healing.

Drea Kelly hugs an OHIO student who helped introduce her. Photo by Eli Burris

The goal of her talk was to start the conversation about domestic violence, not just through a hashtag, but through a plan of action to eliminate abuse and violence from relationships and also eradicate sex trafficking.

Kelly spoke about what it was like to have her boss turn into her boyfriend, her boyfriend into her husband, and her husband into her abuser.

“That was a very, very, very dark part of my life,” Drea Kelly said of her time with R. Kelly. “This girl is in her light right now; he doesn’t get to share my light.”

OHIO students watch a short video of Drea Kelly before she was introduced. Photo by Eli Burris

During her talk, Kelly, a survivor of domestic violence, highlighted learned behaviors from her abuser and the warning signs of a volatile relationship. The survivor said 85,000 women a year in the United States lose their lives to domestic violence.

“And to think I could have been one of that 85,000,” Kelly said. “So yes, I will use this name, I will use my platform, I will stand in the gap for those women who feel like (they) don’t have (their voice), (they) don’t know what to do, (they) don’t know where to go, (they) don’t know how to start.”

OHIO students were given the opportunity to sign a poster in support of Bobcats against sexual violence. Photo by Eli Burris

Kelly explained that “the thing about abuse” is that society has an “it’s not that bad syndrome.” However, she noted the physical abuse is the aftermath of all of the financial, emotional and psychological abuse victims of domestic violence have already been through.

But yet, many say, “It’s not that bad.” Kelly said it typically begins when survivors describe their partner as jealous with an aggressive tone, but “he’s never put his hands on me.”

That abuse escalates to hair pulling, arm grabbing, slapping “only when he’s mad,” or, “he punched me this one time,” or, he punched me but “he doesn’t do it in front of my kids,” and so on, until it’s too late.

“Until we get to the point of slow signing and flower bringing, that’s when we say it’s that bad,” Kelly said. “When we’re all dressed in black and we’re at a funeral. We talk about how much we loved them, how sweet they were, how energetic she was, ‘she was such a people person,’ that’s when we say, ‘oh now it’s that bad.’

“No, sweetheart, it was that bad way back here,” she continued. “It was bad the first time you had to dim your lights for him to shine brighter, it was that bad the first time he walked into a room and you felt intimidated and you looked inward and felt like you needed to shrink to make him feel bigger.”

In those instances, Kelly explained, it was “that bad,” but by the time many think it’s too bad, it’s too late. They need to know the difference, Kelly said.

“You have to be real with yourself, and I have to be real with you as a survivor; I’m not going to get up here and tell you, ‘oh, it was horrible the first time he put his hands on me.’ No, it was that bad way back here when I was being criticized.”

Students listen to Drea Kelly speak about her journey to healing. Photo by Eli Burris

OHIO student Claire Klodell said she attended the event to recognize signs of domestic violence and to learn about Drea Kelly’s situation with R. Kelly, because he had so many people enabling him at the time.

“Being silent means being complicit and if you are surrounded by someone who is perpetrating all of these red flags and is a predator, then you are enabling them just by being silent,” Klodell said. “I think it’s very rare to have someone come on campus who is in the spotlight and has such a personal view on this topic.”

There were two additional opportunities for members of the OHIO community to meet Drea Kelly. There was a “Tea with Drea Kelly” event, which was open to women of color who are student leaders and their allies. There was also a reception with Drea Kelly, where survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, dating violence, harassment and stalking could interact with Kelly.

Kelly’s visit was sponsored by the Women's Center, Black Student Cultural Programming Board, the Multicultural Center, Ebony Minds, Division of Student Affairs, Senate Appropriations Commission, Scripps College of Communication Diversity Committee and the Student National Medical Association.

Women of color who are student leaders and their allies gather for a close-knit "Tea with Drea Kelly" event before her keynote later that day. Photo by Eli Burris — Women of color who are student leaders and their allies gather for "Tea with Drea Kelly." Photo by Eli Burris

Tags:

Womens Center

Survivors

Published

October 30, 2019

Author

Alaina Bartel

More about Drea Kelly: Kelly, a survivor of domestic violence, created the 12th Round Foundation, an organization that celebrates survivors of domestic violence and provides preventative education so that no one will become a victim in the future. It also commemorates the lives of people who were lost to domestic violence.

Raised on the Chicago’s Southside, Kelly attained national fame after she was cast on VH1’s reality show, “Hollywood Exes,” where she was branded “the breakout star.” Her personal story left millions of viewers in love with the “brown ballerina.”

Kelly also gained notoriety as a choreographer, principle dancer and creative director for her ex-husband’s world tour performances, music videos and award show performances. Some of her other clients have included R&B performers Teddy Riley and Xscape to name a few. She has also found success in operating her own dance theatre companies, AKDT and Le Belle Jete’ Cabaret.

Support

Survivor Advocacy Program: Three full-time licensed professional social workers serve our students throughout the year. They have a crisis hotline that is available 24/7 at 740-597-SAFE (7233).

Counseling and Psychological Services: The staff at Counseling and Psychological Services are licensed, fully-confidential and support students 24/7 at 740-593-1616.

Ohio Health Campus Care: The OhioHealth Campus Care clinic, located on the 1st and 2nd floors of Hudson Hall, has trained, confidential clinicians who offer a wide range of services. The quick care clinic is open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

If a student wishes to report an incidence of sexual misconduct to the university, they can contact Equity and Civil Rights Compliance at 740-593-9140 or equity@ohio.edu.

If a student wishes to make a criminal report regarding sexual violence, for incidents occurring on campus, they can contact our 91̽�� Police Department, 911 (emergency) or 740-593-1911, Scott Quad 135 or police@ohio.edu.

If a student wishes to make a criminal report regarding sexual violence for incidents occurring off-campus, they can contact the Athens Police Department: 9-1-1 (emergencies) or 740-592-3313.

Confidential campus resources are available to support survivors:

Survivor Advocacy Program
Lindley Hall 038
Ph: 24 hour hotline: 740-597-SAFE (7233)

Counseling and Psychological Services
Ph: 24 hour hotline: 740-593-1616

Ohio Health Campus Care
Ph: 740-592-7100

Save the date: Thursday, April 2, 2019 at the Athens First Methodist Church (2 S. College St.)

6PM: Visit exhibits and resources.

7PM: Speakers, followed by the walk into town.

Take Back the Night is an annual event to take back the night from sexual and domestic violence. Everyone, regardless of gender identity, is encouraged to participate in this eventÂ that focus on survivor experiences.

Accessibility for the event: Please notify us by March 20, 2020 if you require an American Sign Language interpreter for the event. You may notify us via email at womenscenter@ohio.edu or via phone at 740-593-9625. The Take Back the Night march will follow a route with accessible sidewalks. A street legal golf cart will be provided for those who require it. To reserve a space on the golf cart, please email womenscenter@ohio.edu.

*This program has received an exemption from mandated reporting in order to allow for full-campus participation by all members of the campus community. Disclosures of incidents of sexual misconduct at this specified event will not be considered notice to 91̽��.